Alotica Vibratica

by rheeb


I used to work at this Bible college from hell (believe me, it’s a post is in the making).  And even though it was hell on earth, Chocolate Baby and I would have a whole lot of fun during office hours.  I truly believe we did it all.  Between the two of us, there were several times when we (mostly she) skipped full days to go for beauty treatments (manicures, pedicures, hair styling) or to go shopping at various malls.  We used to take nearly three hour lunch breaks in different states.  And a few times we even went to some adult stores (and amazingly, I wasn’t fired for any of these actual transgressions).  One time, we were coming back from Chevy’s Fresh Mex when we passed MVC, a local sex shop.  I don’t know why, but I begged her to pull over so we could go in and look around.  For real, I am a sex toy aficionado.  The first time I bought one in person, I took Winny with me, and we were both super embarrassed about being seen in person.  It was almost like that condom scene from the The Golden Girls.  As time has gone on, though, I’ve gotten over my shyness, and I’ve tried nearly all vibes except for the Hitachi Wand and anything Kandi Burruss has made (expensive much?).  When Chocolate Baby and I were there, I decided to use my Christmas bonus (“Visa Gift card”–just like money only so much worse) to finally try out an “egg.”  It had eight different modes of vibration to it, so I was excited as hell to try it out.  Sadly, it was not for me.

Teaching moment.  Finding a vibrator that works for you is really based on your personal needs.  There is no one size fits all (HA, actually and actually).  Depending on your situation, there are certain requirements that your vibrator must have.  One, if you live at home, as I do, it must be very quiet.  Who the fuck wants their parents to know that they’re solifucking?  Two, depending on your position and technique, size and shape does, indeed, matter.  Third, vibration control is very important.   Options are endless, especially if you decide to pay a lot more for the product (remotes, buttons, dials, etc).   And four, material is very important.  Low end products tend to be hard plastic, while high end products tend to have a silicone skin.  I have seen (and had) some with a horrible gel covering.  But yes, depending on what your situation, vibrator shopping is a very detailed experience.

I would love to go on some feminist tangent about how self-pleasure is empowering and how using sex toys is a way of going against a patriarchal society, but honestly, I just love to do it.   And using a vibrator to do it is so awesome.  And after doing it for several years, I believe that it’s probably one of  the main things that keeps me sane.  At this point in my life, I’m pretty sure that there are only three general career choices that would be right for me.  I could be a blogger.  I could be a sex writer.  Or I could be a person who makes fresh juice all day and sells it through a food truck.  Any of those things would bring me great joy.

Song of the Day: International Lover by Prince

Word of the Day: “Solifucking”  I swear I just made that up!