Brain on Butch V
I went to Food Lion with my sister “SuckaMC” today. We were looking for a pumpkin–ha, too funny. I was looking for Butch Pam, but yeah, we were “looking for a pumpkin,” Mmm hmm… Anyways, I have been wanting SuckaMC to see Pam for weeks now. Well, we walked into the store, and she was there! I wanted so badly just to lay in the middle of the floor moaning from happiness, but instead, I whispered to SuckaMC, “Look, it’s her! Yeah, yeah, her, right there bagging the groceries!” She didn’t understand the attraction at all, but SuckaMC is very, very straight and likes very tall, muscular black guys. So, I guess me excitedly pointing out an average height, fat, middle-aged white woman wasn’t nearly as exciting to her. I decided to get gum. The candy isle was adjacent to Pam’s isle. I did need some gum. I kept pointed my sister toward her, and she kept looking completely unfazed.
Finally, we spotted the pumpkins, and got one–but there was no price tag on it. LUCKY ME. SuckaMC was carrying it, and she went up to Pam and said, “Hi, do you know how much this pumpkin costs?” And Pam was being like, extra friendly. She gave us the price, and then SuckaMC said, “Have you ever carved a pumpkin?” Pam said, “Yes, every year.” SuckaMC said, “Oh yeah, do you have a specific technique?” And Pam said, “I always just buy the kits. And if I don’t buy the kits, I just do the, you know, two triangles and…” And they both started laughing. She then pointed us towards the kits, and I said, “Is it OK if we leave this heavy pumpkin here and come back?” And she said, “Sure.” So, we walked over to the kits, and Sucka said, “OK Rheeb, this is what you do. You ask Pam which carving pattern she would pick. You know, scratch that. Just hold the kit and say, “We found it, Pam.”
So we went back to the line, and I said, “We found it…” I’m such a scaredy cat! My sister then started talking to her again. I don’t know how it came up, but Pam said that she carves a pumpkin every year because of her “grandkids.” MY LIFE. Now, let’s rewind for a second. The last time I went to Food Lion (I did not post this), Pam was talking to some lady in the line and said, “Yeah, there are four people in my house.” I have been wondering who the hell they were, you know? I had deduced that they could be roommates or something. Anyways, she said that she carves with her grandkids. Her and Sucka kept talking and then began discussing how much they both hate cashiering. Sucka said, “I’ve never seen you here.” Pam said, “Oh, I’ve been working her for seven years. But I used to be in the back. Now I just come in, and I’m usually out of here by 3:00.” Sucka said, “Are you a manager?” And Pam said, “No, well, haha, no. But I hate cashiering. I hate having to stay in one place the whole time.” Pam then looked at me and said, “Your total is $11.35. Your pumpkin was actually $1.00 off.” Then we grabbed our bags, and Sucka said, “Pam. I like your name. This is my sister. See you around.”
Eeeehhhhh…my life! Grandkids?! IS THIS WOMAN GAY? But you know, even my sister said, “Yeah, she seems pretty gay to me.” See? It’s not just me. I will say this, though. I do feel like, I will feel more comfortable taking to her from now on. I feel like some crazy invisible wall has been broken, and I’m really happy with that.
Song of the Day: Gorilla by Bruno Mars