I have noticed lately that I have been doing things that I used to do back when I was a teenager. I found my old mp3 player a few weeks ago, and I have been trying my hardest to use it as my current device. I also have been playing the Tony Hawk series on my GameCube non-stop. In addition to that, I just set up the old Windows ME computer–mainly so I could get onto AOL 5.0 and stroll down memory lane. Each morning, I eat my breakfast while watching Family Matters (my favorite show as a kid). I even cancelled my Netflix subscription in favor of watching DVDs.
This, to me, is the same thing I have been doing for months, just without the time travel. I have overeaten like crazy to feel something. When that got boring, I almost became a shopaholic, buying all kinds of useless shit because I thought it’d make me feel better (big ticket items, too, like an XBOX). Then I began eating candy (and I’ve never been one to have a sweet tooth, but lately I can’t seem to get enough). My current obsession is watching Melissa McCarthy movies.
With all that said, I don’t really get joy out of anything. And as far as the time travel goes, I almost feel like I’m trying to go back to a time when I didn’t feel so bad, and for me, that was being sixteen. At sixteen, I looked forward to my life. I still had a sense of awe in what was to come. I wasn’t jaded at all. I still imagined things working themselves out and me finally being around interesting people and living in interesting places. Sixteen. And Tony Hawk games just scream 2003.
I don’t know what’s going to happen when this binge ends.