There is so much to say that I may have to break this up into two or more posts.
First, HEY everyone! It’s been a while (well, at least for me). A lot of positive things have been going on in my life, but before I get ahead of myself, I have to get something off my chest (and hopefull get myself onto someone else’s chest ::wink wink::).
So, two years ago, I became Facebook friends with this woman named “Suze.” Suze and I became friends after I read one of her incredible comments on an LGBT page. Her viewpoint intrigued me, so I sent her a friend request. Well, she accepted, and when I went through her profile, I saw that she was partnered with this super sexy butch named “Jackie.” Jackie, I swear to you, is, by far, the sexiest butch I have ever seen. She’s big and has big breasts, blue eyes, loves to fish, cusses like a sailor. I mean, fuck, soooo hot. So, I also sent a request to Jackie for the sake of Facebook eye candy. Now, before I continue, I’d like to make it clear that I am not a home-wrecker. And while I have thrown away most of my fundamentalist beliefs, I still very much believe in marriage, faithfulness, and how sacred a marital relationship is–no matter what sex or gender the people getting married are. Now, Jackie didn’t initially accept my friend request. Not only that, but I think she actually rejected it, because a few months later, she sent me one. Long story short, Suze and Jackie both became my Facebook friends.
Now, although I have never met these people in real life, they have both had a profound impact on my life. When I broke up with Winny, both Suze and Jackie were very consoling. At other times, depending on my status update, Jackie and Suze have responded kindly. There was even one time when I was complaining about having severe PMDD when Jackie tagged me in a photo of a colorful flower and said, “I hope the color comes back to your world soon.” Oh, swoon. But yeah. So, you can imagine my astonishment when Suze and Jackie announced their breakup after seven years together! I was so sad for them. They seemed like such an amazing couple. Thing is, while I feel their pain, a part of me…deep inside…was ecstatic that Jackie is single again. It felt weird to have a crush on someone else’s “partner.” And on that note, I just want to say that I am highly against the word “partner.” Just to reiterate on my previous point, marriage is a sacred thing. Spouse, wife, or husband makes sense to me. Partner is generic, and partnerships can very much end…but I digress… So, for about two weeks I have been considering how much time I should give Jackie before blatantly flirting with her. I’ve come to the conclusion that two months would be good enough, since I would think that any possible reconciliation between them would occur in that time.
Jackie is so fucking hot. She’s like…OK. In terms of looks, she’s like Pam. Actually, a lot like Pam. Jackie is about ten years older than me. She’s a dog groomer who owns her own grooming business. She loves to fish, watch football, and fix things. She has a wicked sense of humor. She’s Wiccan (I’m not, but I’m not against it). I know that I may sound like I’m describing some mundane person, but Jackie is so hot to me. Oh, like, lust at first sight. Her boobs are so big…oh my goodness…just huge. Oh, Jackie! But Suze is my friend! I don’t want to fuck up my relationship with Suze, because I genuinely care about her feelings. I don’t know. Jackie’s birthday is tomorrow, so I was thinking about saying something sultry to her then–just to get that bug in her ear. What do I do?
Oh, Jackie! But moving on…
OK, so as you can read from the vast majority of my posts, I have been severely depressed for about a year. But that all ended about three weeks ago. Let’s rewind. I have been wearing a hat that I got from Macy’s for about a year, but a few months ago, I noticed that I was getting bumps on my scalp. So, I made an appointment with a dermatologist who told me that it was because of the hat. She prescribed me a topical anti-biotic and some Lidex cream, which is a very, very potent corticosteroid. I used both for about a month when I began to notice some hypopigmentation on my neck. I called the doctor who then told me to stop using it. Upon looking up Lidex online, I saw that it was extremely potent and could cause some severe side effects. I had noticed that my cycle had begun to change. I am a text-book 28-day cycler. But when I began the cream, my cycle went from 31 days to 19! It was insane! And my cramps were horrendous. So, I stopped the medicine. Then something told me to look at my lotion. I had been using some eczema lotion for about three years. I get eczema on my face around my nose, but it clears up when I used the medicated lotion. So, curiously, I read the label to see that it was 1% hydrocortisone cream! My life! I stopped using that as well.
So, for the past month, I have been going through topical steroid withdrawal. My face was peeling so badly and was so dry that no lotion would even penetrate it. My chest broke out into hives (I’m assuming “flares”). Currently, my hand has a flare going on with lots of tiny little bumps. It has definitely been a rollercoaster. Thing is, though, MY DEPRESSION ENDED AS SOON AS I STOPPED THE STEROIDS! It’s the most insane, wonderful, awesome thing ever! My period went back to normal. I barely had PMS, when I have spent MONTHS having severe PMDD. My life finally has sun! And it makes me wonder if all those things I went through last year were just side effects of me being on corticosteroids? So, seriously, people, read your labels and trust your instincts! Be as natural as possible! I have started using jojoba oil and coconut lotion for my moisturizer now. My face is doing do much better, too. I still have a ways to go, but knowing that I am healing is enough to stand strong. I actually think these flares are my body trying to get me to use some anti-itch cream (aka corticosteroids!). I have been juicing a lot and adding tumeric, ginger, and cinnamon to my juice. I’ve also started taking an apple cider vinegar tonic. I just feel so good now. It’s a wonderful, incredible thing. So thank all of you so much for putting up with the most depressing blog posts ever. I’m finding myself again, and I literally see Venus up ahead.
So, hopefully you will hear more from me more often–especially about this Jackie situation. My life feels like a deep breath now. It’s just…lovely.